Well, this is it. The last post I wrote about trying to get pregnant before it finally happened. I remember how I felt when I wrote this post and I hope I don't forget those feelings for a long while. I really has brought a certain perspective to my life that I think is incredibly healthy and humbling. I can't believe we're 53 days away from meeting the little person we struggled so much to make. Now any tears are caused my pregnancy hormones, not period hormones!
Eh, it's cool. It wouldn't be the first time I've cried at this darn place. First time I was about 18, working a little in the summer as the fill-in receptionist, and was allowed to bring a book to the desk during down times. Naive me brought My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult. Yep, you know the one. Flash flood of tears for at least the last 50 pages.
I certainly cried this past December (think 2012) as I was glued to my computer screen reading updates about the Newtown school shooting. Tearing up just thinking about it again...
Today I'm being super strong. Hahahaha. Yeah right.
It probably wasn't the best day to call, but I went ahead and got it out of the way. Got my period this morning (as usual, my mind knew it was coming but my heart was still holding on to any and every "different" sort of feeling I'd been experiencing in the last 2 weeks hoping it meant good news) so I followed through with the promise I'd made myself. If I get to August and nothing has happened, its time to call Dr. T and let her know we needed to discuss THE NEXT STEP. Just called and it will be a little over two weeks until an open appointment, so there ya go. Sigh. C'est la vie. It is was it is at this point. But damn these female hormones during my period!!! Damn you, period!!! I'm sort of laughing as I type that...sort of.
*****break this post for 5 minutes when my dad knocks on the door to ask me about a work related question. WATERWORKS. Attempt to curb my normal hyperventilate-cry issue. Deep breaths. Resume****************
I crack myself up. Lastly, I'll end this with a nice anecdote to help me feel a little better. Bridget has been having a tough time closing the summer now that Jonathan is back at work, I'm still working 3 days a week, and her school is not yet open (not til Labor Day week). That means she is left to return to her home sitter (we love Miss Kathy!), which is not her favorite place in the world to be (she loooooooooooooves her school) but its the best place for her right now for consistency. To prep her for a good day today, and to remind her that she's be spending a little more time at Miss Kathy's over the next 3 weeks, we had a little talk about being positive even when we don't want to be. My words: "Sweetie, its your decision to make your day a good day. If you're upset, that's okay. If you want time to yourself, that's okay. But you'll probably have more fun if you choose to play with the other kiddos, choose to do your activities, and choose to be happy. I don't know about you, but I'm going to choose to be happy today." Her words: "Me too, Mommy."
So that's it. I'm gonna talk the talk and walk the walk. I'm choosing to be happy. And hey, it's like I've been saying for a year. Another period arriving means another month I can still plan to start exercising (darn you, heat!) and dieting so I can lose a little weight before baby time. Let's do this!