Thursday, March 20, 2014

TTC #5: No crying at work, Anna! (written August 8, 2013)

Well, this is it. The last post I wrote about trying to get pregnant before it finally happened. I remember how I felt when I wrote this post and I hope I don't forget those feelings for a long while. I really has brought a certain perspective to my life that I think is incredibly healthy and humbling. I can't believe we're 53 days away from meeting the little person we struggled so much to make. Now any tears are caused my pregnancy hormones, not period hormones!

Eh, it's cool. It wouldn't be the first time I've cried at this darn place. First time I was about 18, working a little in the summer as the fill-in receptionist, and was allowed to bring a book to the desk during down times. Naive me brought My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult. Yep, you know the one. Flash flood of tears for at least the last 50 pages.

I certainly cried this past December (think 2012) as I was glued to my computer screen reading updates about the Newtown school shooting. Tearing up just thinking about it again...

Today I'm being super strong. Hahahaha. Yeah right.

It probably wasn't the best day to call, but I went ahead and got it out of the way. Got my period this morning (as usual, my mind knew it was coming but my heart was still holding on to any and every "different" sort of feeling I'd been experiencing in the last 2 weeks hoping it meant good news) so I followed through with the promise I'd made myself. If I get to August and nothing has happened, its time to call Dr. T and let her know we needed to discuss THE NEXT STEP. Just called and it will be a little over two weeks until an open appointment, so there ya go. Sigh. C'est la vie. It is was it is at this point. But damn these female hormones during my period!!! Damn you, period!!! I'm sort of laughing as I type that...sort of.

*****break this post for 5 minutes when my dad knocks on the door to ask me about a work related question. WATERWORKS. Attempt to curb my normal hyperventilate-cry issue. Deep breaths. Resume****************

I crack myself up. Lastly, I'll end this with a nice anecdote to help me feel a little better. Bridget has been having a tough time closing the summer now that Jonathan is back at work, I'm still working 3 days a week, and her school is not yet open (not til Labor Day week). That means she is left to return to her home sitter (we love Miss Kathy!), which is not her favorite place in the world to be (she loooooooooooooves her school) but its the best place for her right now for consistency. To prep her for a good day today, and to remind her that she's be spending a little more time at Miss Kathy's over the next 3 weeks, we had a little talk about being positive even when we don't want to be. My words: "Sweetie, its your decision to make your day a good day. If you're upset, that's okay. If you want time to yourself, that's okay. But you'll probably have more fun if you choose to play with the other kiddos, choose to do your activities, and choose to be happy. I don't know about you, but I'm going to choose to be happy today." Her words: "Me too, Mommy."

So that's it. I'm gonna talk the talk and walk the walk. I'm choosing to be happy. And hey, it's like I've been saying for a year. Another period arriving means another month I can still plan to start exercising (darn you, heat!) and dieting so I can lose a little weight before baby time. Let's do this!

Just for posterity (written Halloween Eve)

Just saw this draft sitting in my que. It makes me smile to read it - short and sweet :).

Had our 12 week + one day doc appointment yesterday. It went great!

(excuse me while I may just throw up at my work desk right now...dammit! this sickness is supposed to subside now!)

Got to hear baby's heartbeat on the "tummy mic" (or DOPPLAR, as doc calls it) and it was instantly apparent, loud, and fast. Just what we all wanted to hear! Doc was pleased as punch and happy to schedule the next two appointments for me (arg...paying for these right before Christmas? It'll happen SOMEHOW) - a quick tummy check right before Thanksgiving and then our quad-screen test + sono in December, right before Christmas. That one should be an exciting day!

She told me she doesn't see any reason to hold off on telling the world our news...though I'm still hesitant to put it up on Facebook because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Sure, sure...we all know I'll do it anyway. I just want to be as sensitive as I can for those out there who may be struggling with conception. We'll see what I decide to do, since I can't wait too long!

I'm thinking about putting it up on the blog in just a couple of days. Maybe even a special Halloween treat? Who am I kidding. I won't have my act together by tomorrow :). I have a cute photo idea to share the news, but I'm not sure we'll ever get around to taking the shot itself, what with my family's crazy schedule and all.

Back to work. I've got one last thing weighing on my shoulders right now for school (blah), which will come and go this Monday. After that is done, I can take a breather, celebrate a birthday (MINE!), watch this belly grow, and then start to think about finals. This time next year I'll be preparing for my final semester!!! Joy!!! Oh right...I'll also be out of my mind trying to wrangle TWO kiddos in and out of daycare/school. Oy.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Here! 32 weeks!

Make that 57 days and counting! I am totally ready for this baby to arrive...except for the whole "we've done nothing to prepare" thing. Who cares about that at this point, right?

Honeymoon over, that's for sure. I'm tired but can't sleep. Groin pain! Back pain! Tummy pain! Occasional days of high blood pressure, which isn't enough to be concerned about but when it happens the only thing I can do to combat it is sit/lay down and do nothing. A situation not known to the Adamo house. 

I'm ready for a margarita. I'm ready to be done with the needing-to-pee feeling. I'm ready to move faster and exercise again (who am I?). Oh, but I'm probably not ready for life as a mom of two! It is what it is. 

I know for certain I'm ready to find out what the next chapter brings us. Definitely less fear and anxiety this time than with Bridget. A healthy dose would probably be better than what I'm feeling now!

And still no name. Not even a short list. Blame Jonathan. I do.