Wednesday, November 13, 2013

TTC Post #2: Allow me to clarify (written 11/13)

Well, well, well. Haven’t we all had a little bit of poster’s remorse once we set free a garbled mess of our opinions onto the world? Yes, I have that right now.

Let me begin with this: instead of selfishly saying, “please try not to be offended” as a preface to my last post, I should have simply said, “I’m so sorry to those of you who are offended by my words!” So, my apologies to you. Honestly!

Now to clarify a little bit about the start of our TTC journey. In hindsight, I seemed to ride on a steady roller coaster that shifted about every 2 months or so.

Phase 1: Stop taking birth control! March of 2012. Not because we were ready to have a baby, but rather I was out of my prescription and hadn’t scheduled another annual in time, so I was stuck with a June appointment. Me being the planner, I made sure we were extra careful those few months in between to avoid any early pregnancies. IDIOT! Did you know you’re much more likely to get pregnant within the first 2 months of stopping birth control as a result of your hormone fluctuations? Yeah…if I’d known then what I know now. Spread the word to all of your baby-trying friends!

Phase 2: This will be easy! Julie and Ryan were trying for a baby at the same time (why not? Abby and Bridget are born two days apart and its perfect – our pregnancies lined up just right so neither of us had to go cold turkey on alcohol alone – let’s do the same for baby #2!), and they got pregnant within the hour. I swear this to you. Yeah! To be honest, in June of 2012, J and I were still pretty nervous about another baby so we were taking things slow, plus we wanted a summer baby and not a spring baby…let’s time this just right! A positive test in August-November would be perfect. I told Dr. T we were going to start that summer, so we waived the BC prescription. All was well. This will be easy!

Phase 3: Um…why am I still getting my period?! Y’all. By mid-late August I was just sure this was happening. I’d started being more sensitive to any and every “strange” feeling, assuming it meant a tiny baby was inside here. I’d even told my friend at school that I should have an aisle seat for quick exits during bouts of morning sickness. I’d looked up potential due dates on the calculators. I was so naïve! Thankfully, we still had an open window. Unfortunately, I was starting to get stressed, which is NOT helpful in the bedroom. At all. Jonathan’s story is all his own, and I won’t go into that, but man did I learn a lot about how to deal with a man’s feelings on this whole TTC matter…

Phase 4: The window is closing. It was so sad and defeating. No summer baby. Jonathan started to think we should slow down on trying because we didn’t want another poorly-timed delivery (can you say an early September baby in a teacher family?! Not ideal!). I, however, was worried something was wrong. As we bumped up against our 6 month mark of TTC, I decided to call Dr. T for an appointment just to see what she would say. I’ll never forget this:

“I am so glad you didn’t wait until 1 year to come see me about this. Most people do and by that time they’ve wasted a good 1/2 year trying for a baby without ever knowing something is wrong.”

I’m telling all my friends this line from now on. Just go ask! It never hurts! Thankfully for us, after a one-day test for Jonathan and two tests for me, we were both given a clean bill of health on the reproduction scale. High hopes returned to us once again and we were ready to get started. Keep in mind the bedroom stress I was emitting was still not helpful…but guys, it ain’t easy to just turn that switch off, ya know?

Phase 5: I’m over a week late! This is it! Oh wait, screw it all. Yep. The first week of February put me at over a week late (by this point, I was pretty good at knowing my mostly-regular cycle…23-25 days). I’m talking like 33 day cycle here. I finally got the nerve up to take a test. Negative. “What?! No way?! I’ll retake again tonight.” No need. I’d gotten my period about 2 hours after taking the morning test. This is where I started to get dark on things.

Phase 6: Ok. Let’s keep “trying” except I’m totally OVER being stressed about it. This actually helped a lot! My marriage wasn’t as stressed over it (don’t get me wrong – still a TON of stress), and I had settled quite well into my monthly depression for 1 day, followed by forced joy (I can still drink! I can still lose weight!).

That brings us pretty much up to the post I wrote and posted earlier this week. We started an OTC hormone supplement called Pregnitude (yes, that’s its name! Horrid!) that May, but I didn’t notice a huge difference. Hello…we still didn’t get pregnant. More to come on my review of that stuff.

Again…apologies for being selfish! Apologies for being offensive. Hugs to all Smile. And I’m not taking the time to proof read this. It is what it is. Til next post!


  1. Um, I don't think you need to apologize for anything you write on YOUR BLOG. If people got offended, THEY should stop and analyze whether what you said was truly offensive or if they're reading it through the lens of their own issues (something I'm working on doing myself after having Z-man). I think brutal honesty on a blog post about the roller coaster of emotions you have while TTC is refreshing and completely normal and wonderful.

  2. As I commented before, I thought your first post was beautifully written. Blogs are supposed to be honest. Kudos to you for speaking the truth! And when you want something SO badly, it hurts... yet I think you were still sensitive in your writing. You gave disclaimers, you said that you really were happy for your pregnant friends... no apologies needed.

    p.s. You look AWESOME and BEAUTIFUL! I'm sooooo happy for you, Mama!

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